On Facing the Fear of Showing Up

Learning to trust God in spite of fear, uncertainty, and inadequacy

When the Holy Spirit inspired the idea of this newsletter last year, I was so overwhelmed with fear, particularly the fear of publicly talking about God, whom I was just getting to know better. As I was still very new to Christianity, I feared that in writing about the Christian life, I might misrepresent God, mislead people, and make them reject rather than accept God into their lives. This fear was mostly why I started writing The Metamorphosis this month instead of late last year as originally planned.

Each time I prayed to God about these concerns (a let-this-cup-pass-from-me sort of prayer, if I’m being honest), He reminded me of similar challenges I’ve faced before and how He helped me get through them all despite my initial unbelief. But even so, I kept procrastinating and making excuses about why I was unqualified for the task.

At first, I protested that I hadn’t written anything important in three years and wasn’t sure I could write a newsletter. Then, I complained that I couldn’t trust myself to write a journal about my experiences without shifting its focus from God to myself. Later on, I expressed my worry that one day, I might hesitate to share the truth because it’s a bitter pill to swallow or let my number of readers go to my head and distract me from the purpose of this newsletter.

In time, however (and I mean just two weeks ago), I realized that believing or insisting we can’t do anything God has called us to do simply means we doubt His ability to help and guide us as He has promised to. And although we may not mean to call God a liar outright, in our unbelief, we might as well do that.

Image by The Lettering Tree via Pinterest

If there’s one thing the past few months have taught me, it’s that when we fixate on our weaknesses and use them as an excuse not to do what God has asked us to, we overrate our flesh and underrate the Holy Spirit. We easily forget that the Spirit who lives in us is the same one who raised Christ from the dead. And if He can triumph over sin and death, then what is fear, inadequacy, or whatever is holding us back that He can’t overcome?

As I pondered on this two weeks ago, the Holy Spirit reminded me of Apostle Paul, who wasn’t eloquent, yet didn’t let his disability stop him from obeying God’s call and proclaiming the Gospel. Then I went on to read the story of Moses’ first encounter with God by the burning bush. And I could deeply relate to his fear when God told him He was sending him to Pharoah in Egypt, the same place he was wanted dead many years ago.

I could understand Moses’ inadequacy when he asked God who he was to appear before Pharoah and lead the Israelites out of Egypt (to which God replied, “I will be with you”).

I could understand Moses’ doubt when God told him the elders of Israel would accept his message—he who was raised as an Egyptian prince—and he argued, “[But] what if they won’t believe me or listen to me? What if they say, ‘The Lord never appeared to you’?”

I could also understand Moses’ fear of responsibility when, even after witnessing God’s power through the burning bush, his rod turning into a snake, and his hand becoming leprous, he still complained that he was a stammerer and asked God to send anyone but him. I could understand all of these because I was guilty of them, too.

It took me many months of fear and procrastination, but eventually, I learnt that it’s not God’s nature to start a project with us and abandon us halfway. Rather, whenever we obey His will and call, we can always count on Him for support, guidance, wisdom, and anything else we need to fulfill His will.

So, whether you’re struggling to find the boldness to evangelise on the streets, join a Bible study group where you will have to teach occasionally, talk about God on your online platforms, build a culture of prayer or Bible study in your home, or fulfil a major cause or need that God has placed in your heart—or if you’re waiting for a sign to take action when God has given you so many already—you can trust and rest in the knowledge that God will be with you all the way and all the time. But you simply have to show up first.

Questions to Reflect On

• What’s the worst that could happen if you obey God’s call for you today in spite of your fears and worries?

• What matters more to you—avoiding this worst-case scenario while disobeying God or obeying God’s call, even if it eventually leads to that thing you’re so scared of?

• Finally, can you live with yourself knowing you knew what God wanted you to do but chose not to do it?

A Few Things That Blessed Me This Week

• “Send Me,” by Bethel Music feat. Jenn Johnson and Chris Quilala. You can listen to it on YouTube Music, Spotify, or whichever app you use to stream music.

• 2 Corinthians 12:1-10.

• Exodus 3 and 4.

• James 4:17.