The past few weeks have been a huge test of faith for me, especially where my work and finances are concerned.
Last Friday, I was paid my long-overdue salary, which, as usual, poorly compensated for the amount of time and effort I put into my editing job. And to make matters worse, I wasn’t paid in full this time—a small but significant fraction of my earnings was deducted for a mistake a writer made, which cost our agency an important project and client. Initially, I was mad at my boss because she made it seem like I was responsible for the mistake and deserved to be penalised. But as time passed, my hurt and anger slowly dissipated and gave room for worry and anxiety.
At first, I was worried about several debts I had to repay, which I incurred as I borrowed money from people and my target savings while waiting for my salary. Then, I worried about how I would afford data to work and still meet my other basic needs, especially the food supplies I needed for a weight gain diet I wanted to start this week. But above all, I was overwhelmed with some pressing family needs, which I can’t share here but feel obligated to meet as the first child of the family who is now an adult.
It didn’t help matters when after repaying those debts and restocking some groceries we had run out of, I realized I had spent nearly 70% of my earnings, which I was paid just the day before. And as I calculated the earliest time I could expect another pay (mid-May), I became frantic with worry about how my family and I would survive until then.
I tried thinking of a way to get more money without incurring more debts, but no idea was forthcoming. So, in the end, I decided the best way to ensure our sustenance was to strictly reserve my money for us alone. I decided that if anyone reached out to me asking to borrow some money, I would explain to them why I couldn’t help them at that moment, and they just had to understand because the reason I couldn’t help was valid and justified. And God had to understand, too.
But later that night, I stumbled upon a WhatsApp status about materialism, lack of trust in God, and people’s (especially Christians’) attitude towards money that just felt like the person who posted it was throwing shade at me. Still, as painful and reprimanding as the status update was, I was very grateful for the reminder.
Sometimes, when faced with overwhelming financial difficulty, I forget how sufficient God’s ability to sustain us is. In those moments, I could say I trust that God will provide for my family and me, but my actions show otherwise when I hoard my money for fear that I might become broke if I share it with others in need.
Last week, I forgot that even though we were financially distraught from mid-February until mid-April, God still provided our basic needs during that period. We had food to eat on most days, clothes to wear, and a place to rest our heads at night. And as hard as most days were, we didn’t die, even if our frustrations often made us question the worth of living. Also, despite how bad things usually got, God was always faithful to us, and we always had something to be grateful for, whether or not we wanted to admit it.
It’s so sad that when faced with financial challenges, many of us easily forget that God has sustained us through an even harder phase before. Even if we argue that our present challenge is the hardest we’ve faced yet, we should remember that we once considered our second hardest challenge insurmountable, and yet we survived it. So while today’s challenges may seem insurmountable, thanks to God’s grace, we have a history of overcoming challenges we once thought were impossible to conquer.
And if we really believe this, then we shouldn’t worry about our survival when we have the opportunity to help someone genuinely in need, even if we have very little for ourselves. Because even if things become difficult due to our generosity, we can rest assured that God will provide for us and endure with faith and gratitude until He does.
And I know this can be so hard to do because the morning after I saw that WhatsApp status, I learnt my sister was sick and needed money for drugs, and I almost became worried about my finances again. Still, other needs have popped up since then, and I’ve managed to settle them all despite my dwindling funds and the momentary concern I get whenever I see my account balance.
Truly, being generous to others when you’re in need yourself can be difficult. But when you realize you owe it to God to use the resources He has given you to do His works and support the body of Christ, and you do this, there’s always this joy and gratitude that dispel any fear, doubt, or anxiety rooted in your heart.
And the truth is, even when we have so little for ourselves, there’s always something we can offer those in need—it could be a small portion of our resources, an encouraging word, a promising idea they could try, a connection you have that they could reach out to, and so on. If we are truly one family in Christ, then let this show in how we love one another through intentional kindness, support, sacrifice, and self-denial.
Questions to Reflect On
All the times you’ve refrained from helping someone financially for a seemingly valid reason, would Christ do the same if He were in those situations?
Also, when you help others because you know it’s right, what is your heart posture like? Do you help them perfunctorily, or is your generosity born from compassion for them and gratitude to God for making it possible for you to help them?
Lastly, when you find yourself in a state of lack, do your thoughts, words, and actions show that you trust or doubt God’s ability to sustain you?
A Few Things That Blessed Me This Week
“You’re Gonna Be OK,” by Bethel Music feat. Jenn Johnson. You can listen to it on YouTube Music, Spotify, or whichever app you use to stream music.
“Prince of Peace,” by Hillsong United and TAYA. You can find it on YouTube Music and Spotify.
“Even When It Hurts,” by Hillsong UNITED and TAYA—also available on YouTube Music and Spotify.
“Oceans,” by Hillsong United and TAYA. You can find it on YouTube Music and Spotify.
Matthew 6:19-34.
This is very relatable.
I hope that first question pops up in my mind when I really need it.
Oh, and thank you for the song recommendations.
Hey Obinna, thank you for being vulnerable with this piece. Your concerns are valid. Been there. But God had to teach me that he is my source, and no matter the demands he places on my money, I can always bank on heaven's economy.
We can trust the Lord to always supply our needs according to his riches in glory. We can take cue from the difficult moments of the past we overcame through his help. If he did it before, he will do it again. So rejoice in the Lord and honour him with your substance in whatever capacity he requires of you. 🤗🤗🤗