An Open Letter to Everyone Struggling to Hold On to Hope

This newsletter is dedicated to my dear friend, Gabriel, who reminded me yesterday that God’s love isn’t something we can earn and that even as I’m a child of God, I’m not an only child. I’m part of a larger family, and I’m not alone in this journey.

---

I didn’t have the strength to write this newsletter yesterday because I was in a low place, and I feared I might share too much in my vulnerable state. As much as I appreciate genuine sympathy, I try not to attract it because I often don’t feel deserving of it, much like I sometimes struggle with feeling deserving of love. That’s why whenever I receive either one, I often don’t know how to respond to it, so I either question it or try to earn it somehow.

This particular issue made it hard for me to build a relationship with God in the months following my decision to become a Christian. Because while I knew God loved me so much, I just couldn’t understand why.

It didn’t help that I was still struggling with some old vices at the time, and in moments of weakness, I had deliberately sought comfort in them, even though I knew it was wrong. So, no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t understand why God would be so quick to love and forgive someone like me, who seemingly did nothing but offend and disappoint him.

It took many months of learning to focus more on God’s love and less on my shortcomings before I began responding to His love with gratitude rather than with guilt or doubt. Nonetheless, I still have my moments of weakness where I find myself doubting or hiding from God’s love, and last month was particularly hard in that regard. In fact, this was me just yesterday afternoon:

Before yesterday, it was easy to mask my pain with fake smiles, witty jokes, and some memes I kept posting on my status so no one would sense my absence or discern my true state of mind and then reach out. It was easier to bury myself in work and mobile games than to read the Bible because I didn’t want to feel the guilt of not trusting God and His promises as much as I knew I should. It also seemed hypocritical to write any newsletter because how could I encourage others to believe the words I myself was struggling to believe?

Still, something Gabriel said during our call yesterday hit me where it hurt the most. He said, “How many of God’s promises must He keep before we can trust that He’s reliable enough?” Those words cut me deep and compelled me to reflect on my life and count my blessings day by day, starting from yesterday and working my way backward. And I didn’t make it back to last Saturday before God’s unwavering faithfulness stood out in my face. Indeed, God has always been there for me, even before I chose to love Him and even when I hide from Him or push Him away. He is always faithful.

It dawned on me yesterday how many of God’s promises I know and can quote or explain but didn’t fully believe at heart. Because I may say I believe nothing can separate me from God’s love, but it doesn’t show much in my actions, not when my natural response is to shut Him out rather than seek His face whenever I feel like I’ve let Him down.

Yesterday, Gabriel said falling in love with God was easier than staying in His love, and I completely agree. After all, my life was more or less a testament to that fact. But as with any struggling relationship, when things go awry, and you no longer feel as fulfilled or at peace as before, the best way forward is through communication. You need to talk about it with God, to express your needs, burdens, concerns, and everything else weighing on your heart.

And I know this could seem pointless at times, especially if you’ve talked to God about that issue over and over again, or if it feels like talking won’t magically make the problem disappear. But then, Gabriel made a brilliant point yesterday, which deeply resonated with me. He said sometimes, the solution to our problems isn’t changing the situation itself but rather shifting our mindset and attitude towards it.

My greatest takeaway from my conversation with Gabriel yesterday is that patience and endurance go beyond waiting around or hoping things will get better. They are more about our attitude toward our challenges and our trust in God to work things out for our good.

During our conversation, I couldn’t help but think of Joseph, who wasn’t downcast all those years he suffered in prison for a crime he didn’t commit, and Paul, who remained calm and positive even in the face of a shipwreck. Then, I thought of our Lord Jesus, who prayed for his prosecutors while hanging on the cross. Their ability to find peace and joy amidst great suffering truly amazed me, and I yearned to experience that same unconditional peace and joy in my own life. The best part is that getting this manner of peace isn’t as complicated as it usually seems. In the end, it all boils down to one thing: intimacy with God.

Since yesterday, I’ve been reflecting on how the things we’re most tempted to do during challenging times are usually the ones that do us the most harm. When we’re overwhelmed or depressed, shutting ourselves off from everyone, as I almost did yesterday, is as good as willingly walking into a slaughterhouse. And shutting God out completely? Well, that’s a whole different level of self-sabotage. And don’t get me started on seeking solace in worldly pleasures or distractions. Granted, they might temporarily numb our guilt or make us feel something when we feel empty. But they never truly provide the kind of peace or satisfaction we desire.

So, what, then, is the solution? Well, I’ve realized now that it’s building intimacy with God and, if we’re open to it, vulnerability with fellow believers. The devil and our bitterness or despair have a way of convincing us that God doesn’t love us as much as He says He does and that no one else can truly understand what we’re going through. But I promise you, there’s no one better equipped to understand our Christian struggles than God and our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. Believe me when I say that many believers have struggled with what you’re dealing with, and even those that haven’t can still comfort you by listening without judging you and loving you intentionally with the love of Christ.

So, whatever you do, please don’t separate yourself from all the anchors in your life that can ground you in your faith. Because when you’re completely alone, you become an easy target for negative thoughts and schemes of the devil. And I know it’s not always easy, but I pray that in our moments of overwhelming doubt or despair, we remember these truths and find the strength to draw closer to God rather than pull away from Him. Amen.

Questions to Reflect On

• How many of God’s promises must He keep before you know you can always depend on Him?

• If Christ loved us enough to die for mankind when it was at its worst, do you really think he wouldn’t forgive you for whatever is causing you to hide from Him?

• Take a moment to search your heart. Do you truly believe you can find peace and rest apart from God? If no, then why are you still reluctant to yield to God?

A Few Things That Blessed Me This Week

• Psalm 73.

• Matthew 11:25-30.

• Philippians 4:6-9.

• Luke 15:11-32.

Could You Please Do Me a Favor?

I can only imagine how busy you must be right now, but if you would take only two minutes of your time to pray for my partner, it would mean the world to me. She’s currently dealing with so many challenges and is overwhelmed with despair to the point of depression and unbelief. Please, pray that God softens her heart, rekindles her hope in Him, and makes her more willing to turn to Him rather than away from Him.

Thank you so much for this and for reading, too. Wishing you a happy new month ahead.